Below are a list of 44 or so questions that you might want to ask the person you are dating! Pick and choose the questions that you think are appropriate, but do not sacrifice knowing for politeness! It is better to ask at the earliest time possible and risk a little offensiveness, than to wait until you’re attached and not know the answers to these questions. As much as this list of questions are not exhaustive, they are equally not universal either. Some of the questions may seem offensive, however people have to understand that the ones that seem offensive give both parties a chance to make informed decisions. Obviously, people lie and these questions cannot prevent that, however they give you a basis for a place to start asking the important questions that make the world of difference later. If nothing else, these questions are just a platform or springboard for you to clarify if you and this person are on the same page. Both parties should answer the questions formally (by writing out the answers, out of each others company) and come together to discuss what each has written as answers (only after fully completing all the answers)! If (after sharing each others answers) both are okay with moving forward in whatever kind of relationship they decide, they should also complete the ‘Relationship Contract’ that follows the questions(do the contract the same way you did the questions… written out and out of each others company)! Feel free to print the page for immediate use! If you are already far along in a relationship (or marriage) and do not know the answers to these questions, I suggest you answer then also, but equally reccommend you seek counsel as well. I’m not trying to be funny, just helpful! I do believe in soul mates… I just think sometimes you have to put in a little work to find them! GOOD HUNTING!
1. What kind of relationship are you seeking?
2. Are you straight, bi or gay?
3. Have you ever had a same sex encounter?
4. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
5. How important is sex to you?
6. What do you expect to accomplish with this relationship?
7. Do you have a timeframe or time limit for this relationship?
8. What is the most serious relationship you’ve ever been in?
9. What is the longest relationship you’ve ever been in?
10. Why did either (or both) of those relationship(s) end?
11. Are you seeing other people now?
12. Do you live by yourself (if not, with whom do you live)?
13. Are still in contact with any ex’s?
14. Do you have any children (if so, how many and by how many other parents)?
15. Are any of your ex’s that you are still in contact with, not the parent of your child(ren)?
16. Do you believe in monogamous or non-monogamous relationships?
17. Do you pay child support and/or alimony?
18. Do you want any(more) children in the future?
19. Have you ever filed an ‘Order of Protection’ (if so, please explain)?
20. Have you ever had an ‘Order of Protection’ filed against you (if so, please explain)?
21. Have you ever pleaded guilty to or been convicted of a crime (if so, please explain)?
22. What is your birth name, if different from what I know you by and has it been changed legally (if so, please explain)?
23. Do we go ‘Dutch’ on dates, trade off on paying for the dates (you pay even ones and I’ll pay odd) or do we do ’the pursuer pays it all’ thing?
24. Do you have any big “no-no’s” to express at this time (pet peeves or turn-offs)?
25. Do you work, have a job/career or in between jobs?
26. Do you own a car/truck/SUV, scooter, bike, Metro pass and/or WeCar membership?
27. Do you think you’ve had a life defining moment? If so, what was it and what did it show you?
28. In a disagreement, what’s the biggest priority? Mutual understanding, resolution, acceptance or identifying issue?
29. What are you passionate about?
30. What are you most afraid of?
31. Do you fall squarely on either side of the (political) party line, or are you something else?
32. When is your birthday?
33. What’s your highest completed level of education?
34. What do you usually do when things do not go your way?
35. Do you feel victimized by life or are you purpose-filled/driven (please explain)?
36. How important is financial security and what are you willing to do about it?
37. What economic class level are you accustomed to and what level do you expect to live at in the future (if you desire to be at a level higher than the present, what are you currently doing to get there)?
38. Would you date at a economic class level different than your current one or future desired level (if you obtain that goal)?
39. Do you follow or practice a certain religion (if so, which one)?
40. How would you describe yourself spiritually?
41. If you had to pick a movie to describe your life…which movie would you choose, why?
42. If you had to pick a movie or T.V. character to describe you… which character would you choose, why?
43. If I drastically changed how I looked, after we were together for awhile, would you have a problem with that? If so, please explain.
44. If I had a paralyzing or debilitating accident, after we were together for awhile, would you still stick with me? If not, or if so, please explain.
RELATIONSHIP CONTRACT
- “To Be In A Successful Relationship With Myself”: Assists you in entering into a conscious relationship with the various parts that make up your whole self; being: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, sexual, creative, behavioral, vocational. Start each point with the word “I” and state every thing in the positive. For example: “I eat right and get plenty of exercise” or “I engage in positive business practices.” List every thing you can think of, then combine and narrow until you have no more than ten that cover all the essentials.
- “To Be In A Successful Relationship With Me”: Assists you in consciously determining what you need and/or want from another person if they are to have a relationship with you. This is helpful while seeking a new relationship, starting one and/or redefining an existing one. Also helps you share this with the other person. Start each point with the word “You” and state every thing in the positive. For example: “You respect my need for space” or “You share your body freely with me.” Again, list every thing you can think of then combine and narrow down no more than ten that cover all the essentials.
- “To Be In A Successful Relationship With Each Other”: Assists you and another person in consciously developing a “blueprint” or “rules of engagement” in which both agree to abide to. After you have completed the previous contract, share this with your partner. Invite her/him to review it and then do their own. Now discuss and negotiate a joint contract specific to this relationship. Start each point with the word “We” and state every thing in the positive. Again, list every thing you can think of then combine and narrow down to no more than ten that cover all the essentials. Be sure both have a copy.
To Be In A Successful Relationship With Myself:
1. I___________________________________________________
2. I___________________________________________________
3. I___________________________________________________
4. I___________________________________________________
5. I___________________________________________________
6. I___________________________________________________
7. I___________________________________________________
8. I___________________________________________________
9. I___________________________________________________
10. I___________________________________________________
Consequence(s) for following through/not following through with this contract:
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Start Date: _________________ Review Date: _________________
Signature: _______________________ Date: _________________
To Be In A Successful Relationship With Me:
1. You_________________________________________________
2. You_________________________________________________
3. You_________________________________________________
4. You_________________________________________________
5. You_________________________________________________
6. You_________________________________________________
7. You_________________________________________________
8. You_________________________________________________
9. You_________________________________________________
10. You_________________________________________________
Consequence(s) for following through/not following through with this contract:
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Start Date: _________________ Review Date: _________________
Signatures: ____________________ _______________________
To Be In A Successful Relationship With Each Other:
1. We_________________________________________________
2. We_________________________________________________
3. We_________________________________________________
4. We_________________________________________________
5. We_________________________________________________
6. We_________________________________________________
7. We_________________________________________________
8. We_________________________________________________
9. We_________________________________________________
10. We_________________________________________________
Consequence(s) for following through/not following through with this contract:
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Start Date: _________________ Review Date: _________________
Signatures: ____________________ _______________________
